The identity project - Part 1

Being homeless for a while really taught me a lot and it is not so much of not having my own place to stay, but once again to need to stay with someone in the same room (since i have to give up my old room because i am suppose to be finished with my bachelor studies), being aware that every move that i make is being watched etc etc. And surprisingly, it is not too bad at all. To have someone to talk to all the time, to tell someone the things that i always thought no one will be interested, to be rest assure that i can fully be 'myself' and not care how would people judge the things i said (it helps when the temporary roomie is a little girl who loves to listen to stories) and the idea of letting people into my world and fear of exposing every weaknesses that i have doesn't have a strong hold on me anymore.

Having an identity helps to overcome the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and vice versa. Yes, once i overcome the fear of exposing my weaknesses, i begin to find my own identity. I am able to face myself and my weaknesses and accepting them as being part of me. Of course it comes with a cost, that people outside will notice the weaknesses and start reminding me again of them. And it really hurts. A lot. And this is the tricky part, once i realise tat i m being hurt, i begin to think of ways to avoid being hurt which resents to trying to cover up the weaknesses again, which defeats the whole purpose of the identity project.

The identity project? What is it? It is a very cool name that i thought of for the series i want to blog after this. One of the topic that i really put effort in learning especially throughout the years of my studies here in Germany is "Will the real Pat(ricia) please stand up aka Who am I?" and it is time that i summarise what i've learnt in forms that can help other people realise their identity as well.

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

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June!

It's May already, April has been quite a fruitful month, got my official-first-ever-pay (all those extra angpao money i got doesn't really count coz it is not banked into my account :p)

i compared the months May n June on my outlook calender and so many things to look forward to in June, for a start it's 3 long weekend in a row! woohoo! the first-i-still-dunno-how-i-m-gonna-spend-it-weekend, then the annual Festival von Hoffnungdeutschland and lo n behold, the MALAGA BEACH weekend...

ok this is enough to hype up my day in the office and start with my paperwork for the project which i m working on...

feeling-oh-so-random-again
Pat

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reasons...

went to Münster because i wanted to visit Steph,
went to Düsseldorf because i wanted to eat japanese ramen and shop for a pair of shorts and clothes (since i forgot to bring the bag of clothes) and to visit Helen n Yun,
went for a bike tour around Münster because the place is meant for cycling,
dipped my feet in the lake because it's a sign of spring/summer,
paddled a boat while eating cake because it is fun~


someone please remind me again of why do we need reasons for everything?

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Being mechanical engineer

While in the process of stocking up for cny eve, i got asked by the lady at the asian shop whether i study culinary in the uni (i was asking for plum sauce coz i wan to have yee sang for cny eve celebration in church)

She was quite disappointed when i told her i am currently doing my masters in mechanical engineering. And she proceed by telling me how she wish her daughter can do mechanical as well. I told her i was free to choose whatever i wan to do because there's so many subject options to choose from and nearly everything has to do with physics and maths. Being asian, she proceed again by telling me how she thinks her daughter should be studying engineering instead of biology because of future job prospect. Well, reminds me of my family as well and i got homesick for a while.

To be honest, whenever people ask me why did i choose engineering as a girl, and usually my answer will be : cause my dad says so. I will normally get this weird look for them. And it is really fun to do it everytime, esp with ze germans, coz they are so free to do whatever they like after they turn 16 and leave home, and they cannot imagine how helpless a 17-year-old can be after she finishes high school and don't know what to do with her future. When i was 16, i had 5 tuition classes to attend. and when i finish high school, i don't know what to do coz there's no tuition class to attend!

So this will be my 4th cny in a land far far away from home, and i would also like to wish people who are not like me, who get to celebrate this valuable family celebration with your family, please hug your parents and siblings for me and don forget the angpaus!

XOXO

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Aubrey Organics Swimmer's Normalizing Shampoo for Active Lifestyle - 11 oz. (325 ml) Swimmer's Normalizing Shampoo for Active Lifestyle protects from the drying effects of sun, salt, chlorine and perspiration to leave hair soft and revitalized. Swimmer's Normalizing Shampoo removes chlorine, mineral and impurities and prevents discoloration with organic corn syrup. Swimmer's Normalizing Shampoo pH-normalizing formula, ideal for gray or blond hair, and safe for color-treated hair. FEATURES: BENEFITS: Organic Corn Syrup Helps remove chlorine & minerals Citric Acid Restores natural pH; smoothes Organic Shea Butter & Aloe Deep condition; restore moisture balanceFrequently Asked Questions: Q: Why doesn't Aubrey use hydrosols in their products?A: They do. Hydrosols are found in many of Aubrey's formulas-witch hazel and lavender water are two examples. A hydrosol (also known as floral water) is the condensation collected after an essential oil is extracted from plant materials through the use of steam. While many hydrosols are very beneficial, they are mostly water with a small amount of plant material. There's nothing wrong with water; water is an excellent hydrator, and is essential to the proper formulating of shampoos and conditioners. The problem arises when manufacturers add "organic hydrosols"-hydrosols made from the distillation of organic plant materials-as a main ingredient in their products. Using these organic hydrosols allows manufacturers to claim that their product has a high percentage of organic ingredients, when in reality one of the main "organic" ingredients is mostly water with an undetermined amount of organic plant material. Unfortunately, there are no standards as to how much plant material an "organic hydrosol" should contain. Aubrey chooses to use hydrosols widely, but NOT to boost the organic percentage of an organic product.

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Plans...

i hate making plans...
i can't make plans...

because my plans never work out!!!!

ok.. this is juz a filler post in case u din realise...

i dunno wat to update!!!??? anyone interested in anything at all?

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Ring!

sorry for the long absence... the transition from being an intern to the only child at home and now back to normal student life has been affecting my normal routine...

things are different now, new phone (thanks dad!) new semester (erm no thanks!), new (old) hostel room, new subjects, new jacket (from pull and bear) and soon-to-be new shoes...

but some things juz stay same old same old... if i only knew who rang the freaking doorbell at 2:42am in the morning!!! it really juz bring me to a realisation tat i m back to the student life where the parties mark the start of a semester wif unconscious-but-still-moving-around-ppl ringing doorbells at night...

ah how i miss my student life! bring it on 6th sem!

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Descriptions Eminence Rosehip and Maize Exfoliating Masque, 2 Ounce

Assists in preparing the skin for further treatments (penetration of products will be increased) description gentle exfoliation skin type: sensitive, irritated, oily, seborreic and rosacea skin types.

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Purpose

Last weekend was no doubt the most memorable one i ever had in my life where  a wedding, mother's day and a redefined purpose all took place.

Yup the wedding, can't believe my ex house church leaders are getting married. It seems like yesterday only when they approach me n invite me to join them and i mistaken them for being siblings rather than a couple. To me they always seem to have this secret bond between them, like this blood connection that only siblings shared.

and they live happily ever after...

Last but not least, THE bible verse to share during a wedding. Contrary to popular belief, it does not talk only about love between a couple but most importantly the love between people, disciples especially :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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Help!

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oops!

to the horror of the 2 motorists who're charging towards me, i drove on the right side of the road today... and when i notice the terrified looks on their face, i quickly steer left... so, nth really bad happens...

life is good back home!

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W.H.Y?

Ok this is an extremely honest post so be prepared (for what?)

I am extremely pretend-ious when it comes to answering questions that will make myself look cool n funny(which will sound stupid after a while)

One of the most common question I get during my internship at SAX is “Why germany? Huaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?”

And everytime I give different answers, depending on the people who asks and depending on different situations. (and also the mood of the day)

Btw these are not MCQs :

-         Germany boast of their best industrial (bcoz I got this scholarship)

-         Germany got so many powderful cars (bcoz my parents no money to send me to overseas and I don wan to go to form 6 coz I heard they butcher u there n sell ur meat for ppl to make paos)

-         Oh come on! Like this oso need to ask, if not germany where else???? Of course 100% germany!!! There’s no other place on earth to study mechanical! (if only I could turn back time…)

Oh how I m gonna miss my colleagues and my company, I mean who on earth pays u to write posts during work?

Asking the hard questions - Part 2

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So i wrote a happy...

post for you...

now in the process of filming the music video for Mr. K n Miss N, wif the song entitled 'so i wrote a happy song for you' written for Miss L...

had a great day today, thanks to all who came n be merry... haha... hope everyday is like today!

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Home

after coming back for 3 days, i finally manage to catch a glimpse of wat has been planned for me to come back... i noe there is a call for me to come back, i juz dunno y... many times i regret the decision, i call it a harsh one, but now i start to see the whole big pic... staying back in germany can be a good time for me to build up myself, but coming back home can help build up my whole family n community, as well as myself... so i m now on a journey to rediscover myself n how i can help others... so the next few posts will be a series of guide to know myself n my community (foochows, family n church) n where it all begins... make sure u come back again next time if u wud like to know more about me...

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Of kopitiam n churches...

That's what Sibu is most probably famous for, at least from a local's point of view...

This coming May 16th will be fairly important in my life, not only because it's a teachers' day, but also marks the first election in my life and it is even for my own Sibu parliamentary seat after I turn 21 years old. Since young, I've always heard comments like "Why do you go to vote, it doesn't make much changes." or "Don't vote for anyone, just draw a picture of a turtle on the box." and most people in Sibu vote because of some 'incentives'. Wait! What are you thinking? The prime minister did promise millions of ringgit for Sibu's flood mitigation if BN win wat?

So back to kopitiam and churches :
There is a saying in Sibu (i say one lah...) that in every 1km there is a kopitiam and 5km a church. ok that was 2 years ago and now maybe every 500m a kopitiam and 2.5km a church. So now that I have mentioned about kopitiam, church and election, what has it to do with anything at all?

During my school days, I remember everytime when there's an election coming, all the kopitiam along the main road at Rejang Park will be packed at night because there will be some political stuffs n huhu haha around. Kopitiams are commonly used as 'base' for the political parties campaign in those days.

Now, surprisingly I notice that churches have been in one way or another being 'used' as a campaign ground in the coming by-election. Political leaders are meeting Christians openly in hotel conference rooms, outside of church of course, to avoid unnecessary occurrences. Christians have been urged to come out of their comfort zone and start playing a role in the coming election by casting their vote. Since the majority of Sibuans are Christians, it is no wonder that in this coming by-election they are the targeted ones.

All this while as a Christian, I have always thought that this is one private part of my life that no one should have a say in it. It's a relationship between me and my God, but when I read the news about politicians urging Christians to come out n take a stand, it hits me that I am still living in the world and I have been sort of 'selfish' about this part of my life and think that no one else can interfere in this relationship between me and God.

As MP Ngeh Koo Ham puts it, 基督徒除了传福音，做善事，也要关心不公义的事。 (Christians should not only evangelise and do good, but care about injustice as well.)

What say you?


Side-story of the late Sibu MP Mr Robert Lau :
I've always admire Mr Lau's loudness, that's the foochow spirit - loud n direct. I remember there's this chinese new year function cum dinner at a hotel room where he came and shake hands with everyone who attended the dinner. And me and my siblings, being very kia-su, would always bring our books along to everywhere we went. So he came and saw our books, took my youngest brother's hand, looked him in the eyes n said "Keep it up! Read more books!" and I think it left an impact in him n me as well. Someone whom we always see on newspaper would actually care about our books lying around on the table n took special notice in them. That's Datuk Lau, who will always be missed by all Sibuans.


The author was born n raised in Sibu until she's 18 years old. Then something happened and she ended up in Shah Alam for 2 and half years n is currently studying in Germany. A sinner saved by Grace and wishes to be back in Sibu on the 16th of May to cast her vote while enjoying a plate of kampua.


p/s 1 : I tend to capitalise all the nouns when typing this post. So much for my german influence on my englisch.
p/s 2 : I don't like negative or attack comments. I cannot handle them AT ALL. So either positive comments or SHUT UP.
p/s 3 : People in Sibu and illegible to vote, go vote moh! If everyone thinks like you, then mah seriously NO change lor!

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3 major rules when going to a mission trip!

I was together with 500 people and 9 days in Latvia for a short term mission trip.

It was sth that i did not plan long enough or in other words - spontaneous. But i have to admit, it was worth it! Every single moment, even though it means sleeping on a thin mattress together with 20 girls on hard cement floor. And i manage to shower for at least 3 times! What an experience!

However being in Germany long enough to learn about how ze Germans try to structure everything and how we plan our week by the days and our day by the hours, it only took the organisers of the social mission trip 3 rules to put everything under control.

Rule number 1 - You do not get ANGRY! 

You do not get angry when your neighbours came into the room at half past two in the middle of the night. You do not get angry when the local latvian radio is on practically 24/7. You do not get angry when there is no timetable to follow and the school bell is the only thing u can count on to know when u shud eat breakfast lunch or dinner. You do not get angry when naughty kids are shouting at your ears while getting their presents. And not only that, you do not get angry at all!

Rule number 2 - Problems do not exist!

A problem will be a problem if u think it is a problem. And the word 'problem' was never even mentioned once in the new testament. Meaning, there is no such thing as cannot get a car for your fellow group mate who is a bit slow and has difficulty walking to send us to the most deprived area of the city to give out foodbags. There is no such thing as cannot organise technical equipment (video projectors, wires, laptop etc) to go to the nearest schools for Kids program. There is no such thing as cannot be patient or cannot dressed up as clowns to entertain the children who are coming for the Kids program.

Rule number 3- You are not going to get married here!

i mean, come on! we are trying to save the world here (or not) and of course there are nice, holy and godly people around you who you might accidentally be attracted to but push it down, all of the feelings, all of it! And thus it creates a safe environment of building (first) friendships (and only) and as a girl i do feel safe to just talk because of the open environment and not to withheld myself too much for the fear or misleading or giving false hints to our fellow brothers.

Overall to sum it up, the mission trip was a dream come true. There are expectations that are not fulfilled because of the huge numbers of participants but of course there are far more precious things that i've gained. I have learnt so much about myself and thus have more faith in the one who created me and to really believe that i can contribute and make a small change in a city.

Signing out

Pat

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i wan...

my blue sky back!!! giv me sun!!!

the purple building on the right is where i stay now...

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more updates...

i think the exam stress r coming... tat's y i keep updating... haha

ok... now i shall post about things tat i wan to do when i go back as one form of motivation for my exams :

1. EATTTTTTTTTT my heart out... eg, kampua, kompia, zhou cai hun ngan, satay, be ting yue, kui chap, bak kut teh, lo mee, sizzling mee in hot plate...
2. Go KL n SHOPPPPPPPPP til i drop, not forgetting redbox...
3. Go malacca to eat chicken rice balls n satay celup...
4. Treat my family a very nice dinner in a very nice restaurant...
5. Visit pak cik n family in Bangi...
6. Go singapore to visit uncle n auntie (of coz to shop as well...)
7. Buy new laptop...
8. Brush up my foochow...
9. Go for another longhouse trip...
10. Make a video about one idea tat has been owey been there but i never put effort to it...
11. Meeting old frens (if there's stil any left in sibu...)
12. Look forward to meet the new ppl in youth service...
13.
14.
15.

and the list goes on n on...

to be cont...

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The identity project - Being student

So it has been a month and a half since i started my masters at uni Stuttgart. Looking back at what i've 'achieved', i realise that it was nearly impossible - to be able to pass 6 subjects and finish writing a bachelor thesis - but whatever is impossible, is possible with God. I realised how i have been dragged along because i was so reluctant to believe that sth great is going to happen. I am reluctant to take risk, but somehow what i've experienced in the past 6 months is challenging my faith all over again. After all, faith is spellt R-I-S-K.

This time, i have the chance to experience student life all over again. The way I intended it to be without me realising it. I was reluctant to come to uni Stuttgart at first because i wanted to go to a better place(at least i was the only one who think so), a new place where i can start all over again with new people. But of course life will be less fun if we keep getting the things we wanted. How boring will it be?

Have a glimpse of my new uni!

so here i am feeling my life is as challenging as ever, thanks to my new identity as a university student!

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

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list of things i try so hard to find

but failed...

1.  My lost snow cap (still refuse to accept the fact tat it is gone, forever!)
2.  A perfect dress for a wedding
3.  A sweater that scream 'BUY ME!'
4.  Double eye lid tape/glue
5.  A pair of shoes that keep my cold feet warm yet look chic (most winter shoes are ugly!)
6.  Unagi rice! (been craving for this since i dunno when, and the craving just won't die down)
7.  Motivation to clean up my room (it has been like that since i move back last month, i am really not the neat type, and the room is making me more depressed!)
8.  More money (anyone could use some extra cash right?)
9.  A company to do my bachelor thesis (YES, i am THAT desperate)
10.  A machine/person that can help me wif the above mentioned things.

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Who's my happily-ever-after?

When it comes to BGR topics, i always thought i knew it all... until i was in CA n the theme was yet another session of the BGR topic... but i was reminded once again, that God is actually sparing my future husband all the pains n troubles if i were to meet him now so unprepared, n tat i shud not pester God over n over again to show me who's the Mr-Right from the example of Adam and Eve. It was refreshing to know all these things that shows God majestic plans for all humankind.

haih... being God is so not easy... kesian Him...

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Why the difference?

I had a lovely bunch of visitors from Korea during the weekend and we had such a good time together.  Finally there's so many people to talk about my kpop obesessions and share our thoughts and views on the current boyband/girlgroup or variety shows, korean culture, language, food etc.

one of the visitors, Miss A used to be my junior during secondary school and this common thread would be the topic of our chats.  I remembered last time how i use to be so rebellious and will always do little little things to support my idea of silent rebel, eg eat in the classroom when it is banned, not wearing name tags when walking through the human barriers of prefects every morning then put it back once i walk pass them and it really bring back a lot of memories of how i spread my influence to my gang of bffs that time.  To be frank i am not proud of these memories.  I only look back at my past with a teeny weeny bit of shame because the things that i thought was cool back then deemed to be so childish now.  (my fingers and toes cringed at the thought of it... yer...)

Why the difference between then and now, i ask myself - only God knows.

Asking the hard questions - Part 1

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Still alive!

I hope i m not giving people the false impression that i was in Latvia for the past few months since i have yet to update my blog in a very looooooooong time. Yes finally i am back! (after travelling across the Latvian border into the Russian territory and got caught because i don have a visa and now i finally have my freedom!)

Just kidding!

I am still a tax-payers-sucking-JPA-scholar who still needs to write my first paper of my second semester in masters. Let the fun begins!

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:-]

This makes my day...

Imagine this scenario, it was a cold autumn afternoon and i was leaning on a bicycle stand wif miss L (not miss Loser) while waiting for the bus... suddenly an old man who was sitting inside the bus stop knocked on the glass divider which caught my attention...

immediately the thought that i might be scolded again zapped across my mind because of some bad experience wif old ppl in germany... he beckoned me to him and reluctantly i went up to him, pleading in my mind - please don scold me for leaning on the bicycle stand!

wif both fist reached out, he murmured sth which i cannot understand but nevertheless i think he was trying to ask me to imitate him so i did... i held out my fists and surprisingly, he gripped both my hands and start pulling me - i was having the shock of my life thinking tat he might do sth erm not nice to me... however, he was actually trying to stand up and was asking me to support him... and after a few seconds, he finally managed to stand up using me as a support and gav me the biggest and most sincere smile i've ever seen... he thanked me and in return i gav him my widest smile wif my eyes squinted to a line and wished him a very good day ahead...

so tat's wat i wanna share today and to me, it was such a great honour to be able to help the old man standing up... a great day indeed!

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Weird

i don't know whether it's just me but i think i've just developed a fear of quarter life crisis (if i were to live until 100 years old) Everything that happens around me seems so surreal and it is just weird. Here is a list of unbelievable events :

1.  I might be a mechanical engineer graduate soon! (if i manage to pass 6 papers and finish building my solar cooker)
2.  My youngest brother is going off to uni too.
3.  Hearing my parents discussing about buying 2 new single beds (for themselves)
4.  Start listing 25 things that I should do before I turn 25 and actually doing them
5.  Start thinking of the possibility of going on a hiking trip with my Tibet-fanatic-dad
etc etc and the list goes on

Guess what? The most unbelievable thing of all is that I am actually going to London next week! Like you, i never realise the significant of this trip to London until I was chatting with a friend and we talk about our childhood dreams and suddenly the thought hits me. I did, 7 years ago, wrote in my high school year book about my dream, one of them is to go to London in 2012 to watch olympics. Well i did not manage to become a volunteer for Olympic games this time but at least I.am.finally.going.to.London

Cheerio
Pat-going-off-to-Europe-Trip-again

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That's what friends are for...

Dear Friends,

Don't giv up on me yet! I'm still not ready to tel u all everything but i'm on my way there! Thanks for the wonderful weekend! Will try my best to keep in touch wif you all!

Yours truly,
Pat


p/s : WORLD!!! i m not ready for u too!

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Descriptions Raw Materials Sport Fix Soap, 4 Ounce

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