to let go or not to let go?

This post is the sequel to the previous one, inspired by the lovely and loud visitors (since there are 2 sibu-ians among them) when they were with me on saturday.

So this time it is Miss M, who I had a really really good conversation with. We manage to find time to squeeze in a sharing session in the middle of the night, after they cooked me supper - korean ramen with melting cheese on top (yummeh!) So as icebreaker, i asked her THE question and it naturally lead the conversation into the topic of BGR, so we discussed a bit of what our stands are , then it sort of went into a small sub-topic which really strikes me a lot - the asian church culture.  After being in Germany for nearly 3 years, i tend to forget how was it back then in Acts, when it is a cool n hip thing to go to church.  In Germany only nerds with no life who are not partying n getting drunk on weekends are free on a Sunday.

Back then, i most probably don't remember why i was there every Sunday, was it for the food after each service, the pumped up P&W sessions that left me tearing or the awesome people I get to serve with?  Even till today I struggle a lot with this, I felt so alone in this journey, I easily shun away from people whom i think are pulling me down and not building me up.  I really wish to have passionate people alongside with me, encouraging and consoling me when I feel like giving up.

I guess I am still not ready to let go of this hypocrisy in me.

Asking the hard questions - Part 3

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Next step.

one year.
til 13/06/2012
what i have done?
what i am doing?
where i will go?
stay tune.

True happiness,
is not having what you want,
but wanting what you have.

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Przez żołądek do serca

i m off again to the country which is using the language above...

see ya!

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Running in circles

Let your Word over my mind claim the win

For the truth I own is but a thimble.

Let me speak of Truth with true Love within

Lest I sound the gong and crash the cymbal.

quote from here

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Lost and found

I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all, i manage to push away all ifs n doubts try to smile...

n since Mr D tries very hard to win the title of best senior n buy me a cup of Caramel Frappuccino® Blended Cream from starbucks, here u go... the best senior award goes to *drumrolls Mr DT ... happy?

haha... i m allowed to cheer myself up after all tat has happened right?

so anyone free for an Eiscafe on this wonderful sunny morning?

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Should I...

Should I say to you...
"Don't worry about me, everything's fine...
It might be when i really want to share my problems, i always thought that you might not be interested or you just ask the question 'how r u?' as a greeting...

i wish i can really tel someone bout wat i m going through now... anyone?

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ah bao

tat's what i call my lil bro, ok he's not tat little, if u think i m really tall, think again, my bro is one head taller than me... anyway, it's his birthday today, n i wanted to skype but got no laptop so i wud like to wish him a very blessed birthday here, n go get all A+'s in ur SPM this year!

isn't he cute? haha... lelong lelong, satu malam dua puluh!

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Racing with the mountains...

Lately everyone around me has been in a negative mood, mainly due to exams. I sense a call, to make this world palatable while not losing my saltiness, to be in the world but not of the world. How can i benefit the world if i am like the world?

I might be racing with the mountains, but i have the advantage, i can move while the mountains only stay still.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; 
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence; 
and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; 
and uphold me [with thy]free spirit.
[Then] will I teach transgressors thy ways; 
and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, 
O God, thou God of my salvation: 
[and] my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
O Lord, open thou my lips; 
and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

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10 things I haven't done yet since coming to Europe

1. Gotten drunk
You might ask, what's the definition of drunk? Is it waking up at the very next morning and totally forgot what happened the night before. Then no. The last attempt was chinese new year 3 years ago when i ended up losing half of my 'friends' and one week of red patches all over the body. Will definitely not give up anything for that experience again.
2. Gone to disneyland
I know, it's every child's dream to go there. I really wanted to go, but during the 2 times I was in Paris, i just feel like window shopping is the only thing i wanted to do. Don't mind going there in the future, but with someone who's very persistent to go. 
3. Gotten a piercing
To tell the truth, I've really considered it. There's even a funny story behind it and the topic was about a friend's baptism and somehow the topic of getting a piercing appear out of nowhere and we had a good laugh. And somehow the thought of having a piercing juz pass by like a wind.
4. Tried smoking weed
They say when in Amsterdam, do what's already legal there. But somehow i prefer the windmills and the flowers, van gogh, red light district, anne frank and last but not least the driving in the city centre(duh). Nearly all of my friends people that i've known who have been there (and i heard) they tried marijuana or space cakes (whatever u wan to replace the word drugs with) but I'm still too skeptical of smoking weed as a mean of showing off.
5. Gone camping
Don't get me wrong, i am a proud brownie and girl guide. I've learn them all - the signs, the flags, the knots etc etc. It's all in the head and let the scouts do them. However, i've heard that camping here in Europe is not like back in Malaysia where muddy floor and team building activities come to mind. So we will see.
6. Taken a bubble bath
Whenever i go to the Drogerie markt (literally translated to a drug store, not related to point 4 at all) where they have the whole section of bath salts and bath oils for all sorts of purpose, whether u are sick, stressed out or u juz wanna take bath etc. People here actually believe that soaking themselves in a bathtub helps. To me, that's a lot of wrinkled skin. 
7. Gone swimming in a swimming pool in summer
It's a trend to go to the swimming pool during summer. I've heard of stories of family outing, people going there to check out hot bikini babes/dudes but non to go swimming coz it will be so packed with people that all u do is juz soaking urself in the pool (see point 6) and the only time i've been to a swimming pool is when a fren was baptised during a church camp during winter (see point 3) and the biggest joke here is i don't even know how to swim.
8. Eat bread or potatoes as the main source of carborhydrate
Back in my hometown, i always think that i have this hippie trait in me that i am more western than the rest of the population. *smirk I think i have no idea that one day i will be in a country so west away and realise that deep inside me, i am juz as cina, if not more than all of the population. So the longest i can live is one week without rice, which was sort of being forced since it usually happen during a one-week church camp.
9. Donate my blood
I believe that none of us will say that we like needles. It is like a horror film to me. But i would like to overcome this fear because donating blood is for a good cause. But it will always remain a good cause only if I don't actually go do it!!!
10. I have to admit when it comes to point number 10, i am out of idea and instead of desperately come out with something just to fill up the list, i will be honest and tell u that there's only 9 things on my list. The things mentioned here, some i am proud of and some i am quite ashamed of. This post serves to be a pure entertainment post so if u find it funny, thank you for appreciating my humour! It's sth that i wanna learn, is to take an inspiring message and modify it to be funny, these are the things that i have in mind to tell people and also my big God and let Him be entertained!

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My roots... part 1

Chén (traditional Chinese: 陳; simplified Chinese: 陈; pinyin: Chén; Wade-Giles: Ch'en) is one of the most common Chinese family names. It ranks at the 5th most popular surname in Mainland China and the most popular surname in Singapore and Taiwan. Chen is also the most common family name in Guangdong, Zhejiang, Fujian (spelled Tan or Chin in Singapore and Malaysia), Hong Kong (spelt Chan in Hong Kong) and Macau. It is usually romanised as Chan in Cantonese, and sometimes as Chun. In Min (including dialects of Chaozhou (Teochow), Hainan, Fujian, and Taiwan), the name is pronounced Tan. In Hakka and Toisan, the name is spelt and pronounced as Chin. Some other Romanisations include Zen (from Wu), Ding and Chern

In Vietnam, this surname is written in Quoc Ngu as Trần, and is the second most popular Vietnamese surname, accounting for 11% of the population,[1] after the surname Nguyễn (38.4%).

Chen is also a Hebrew name used by Israelis. It is pronounced khen, and means grace or favour

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False closeness

one thing i really learn during the weekend is how blessed i am to have real frens around me, whom i don need to exchange my deepest  n ugliest secrets wif but still love me as i am...

pfft... who needs a boyfriend when i can hav best friends around...

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i.is.alone

i felt a sudden rush of sadness on my way back from church today, knowing tat there will be no one at my hostel when i reach there... miss L has moved to the swabian part of the state n will start her practical on valentines day... all this while i've always taken her presense for granted, now i must get use to staying alone for a while... come visit me plz!

went snowboarding for the second time after having the first taste of the adrenaline rush derived from it... this thing is so addictive, although i ended up having a stiff neck n sore arms, not to mention a swollen ankle after straining my left foot the whole day... now is the only time i hope it will snow more in the coming days!

now tat exams are nearly over and after i write my official last english paper tomorrow, i will be busy wif my packing and painting of the house... signing off now... til next time!

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我爱，故我在。。。

I love, therefore I am here...

bad translation i noe... haha...

i realise i haven't been thinking for the past few months... it seems like the more free time i have, the busier i'll be... there's always not enough time for anything, not enough time for studying, eating, email, keeping in touch wif frens etc etc...

how can this be? i remember when i first reached germany, i think a lot... i analyse human behavior n how my actions reflect other ppl n vice versa... then come a point of i-don-care-about-other-ppl-anymore phase, since then i've giv up on thinking...

i oweys talk about working, but there's no initiative from me... unless the job opportunity drops right in front of my nose, i don think i will ever go work... i dunno y, i juz don feel the need to work - for me, working means being scolded everyday... so y shud i put myself in a situation like this?

i sense sth big happening, sth to be awakened... i wan to be more spiritual, not juz outer religious looks (which i don think i hav either...) i refuse to be worldly n secular, which is not really a choice i can make if i keep worrying about things n ppl around me...

aish...

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What is the motivation behind?

The famous inscription on the main entrance to the former concentration camp of Dachau

Ya so i have been visiting this place during the weekend. I don't really have any expectations before i went, but after the trip i start to ask myself, what is the motivation behind ppl(me) who actually visit places like this. For example, if you plan a trip to China, you will automatically go to Beijing to visit the great wall of China because they say if u never seen a section of the great wall, u have never been to China. So wat about visiting concentration camps? Why do visitors have the interest to join a tour of any concentration camps?

Well if you are expecting answers for me, technically it's juz pure curiosity that brings me to this place, i wanted to see it out of Germany's point of view since i've been to one in Poland. But if i were to ask myself about the motivation behind visiting this-sad-place, i still need time to think about it. It's such a mixture of feelings deep inside me towards mankind.

Lately, I've been dealing wif a lot of raging hormones and overwhelming mental activites. When i thought i can't stand it anymore because i magnify every single feeling and emotions and that's why it become so overwhelimg, i am reminded once again, that it is a wacky world we're living in. Why not take everything like a pinch of salt and really, for once, just learn how to let go and let God. Going without knowing - i desperately need to learn that.

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路，是人走出来的。。。

那你要走去哪里？

走到我想到的地方啊。

哇，那要走好远哦！

。。。

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Summer 09 - the sad part...

during summer of 09, i traveled a bit wif a bunch of wonderful ppl... juz wanted to share a bit of what i did last summer...

one of the places i went is Auschwitz, one of the biggest former concentration camp in Europe... it is situated in south of Poland, near the city of Krakow...

The gate that make the news not long ago... and the notorious motto on it...


No one can understand...

one of the gas chamber tat is not destroyed..

one of the 6 gas chambers in the subcamp of Auschwitz 2...
all of them were destroyed b4 the liberation as an attempt to cover up crimes committed...

Execution wall...

The main gate...

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Help!

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1 Peter3 : 15

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,...

editted :
haha... i think i forgot to state tat this is the key verse for me personally for the year 2010... first heard it in dublin, when i visited my fren's church twice (yes! twice! so cannot run away from this verse) on a Sunday...

in other words, it means - always be ready to explain your hope to everyone who asks...

honestly, i don really hav an answer to it... how do i explain the hope i hav in me? usually i will juz tel ppl 'you juz hav to experience it yourself' but what if one day it requires me to explain it verbally, how wud i hav express it? hmmmm....

Stil thinking,
Pat

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When will i ever be...

married?  nah just joking...

content is the word.  When will I ever be content?

As the first child of the family, i think i have first-born-syndrome. (duh!)
I tend to explore everything by myself since there's no one telling me what to do or what not to do.  I am a people-pleaser, my parents or even the whole family have great expectations on me and it is up to me to fulfill them. 

And lately in my daily walk as a christian, I unintentionally applied the traits mentioned above.  I am interested in how other leader do or see things so that I can imitate them.  I read books on how to know the will of God or I kiss dating goodbye to make sure I am doing it all right.  Every major decisions that I made, I spend most of my brain cells worrying and struggling to choose the 'right' one or to make it the 'right' one.

Micah 6:8:
“He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

Sounds simple.

Am I happy with where I am now?  When will I ever be content with myself, other people and everything else?

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farnie...

i've always try to be funny, hav to admit tat i'm quite good at it too...

then someone comes to me and asks me this question :

"Does the world hates u?"

and leaves me dumbfounded...

i guess the answer is,

"no, not yet..."

someday, i hope it does...

"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. But because you are not of the world, since I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. " John 15 : 18-19

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